Kindness is everywhere – when you check in with a friend or family member, when you reach out to a new colleague to introduce yourself, when you genuinely ask “How are you?” and pause to listen, when you mentor or coach someone, when you take the time to read this blog post, when you turn up to a coaching session or a mindfulness class, even when you eat and sleep and exercise!

I meet many kindness skeptics who feel that in this fast-paced, competitive and demanding world we live in, kindness can be a disadvantage to getting ahead or being successful. It might also open us up to being vulnerable and at risk. And I say to them – you’re here, talking to me, asking yourself how you can be a better person, be healthier and happier, become more effective and have better relationships – Is that not an act of kindness and compassion? Of wishing well for yourself and those around you, of wanting to reduce the unnecessary stresses and struggles in your life? Look no further – this is kindness! There is nothing to be skeptical or wary of – this same kindness that got you here, is the same kindness that can compel you to effective and beneficial action to help yourself and others.

So, if you truly understand kindness, you will not worry that it will make you soft, take away your edge, make you any less effective in work or in life. I ask you to challenge the assumption that demanding expectations and impossible standards are the only way to get the best of yourself and others, that focusing on the flaws and the to-do’s and the areas for improvements are the only way to motivate. Realise that the innate drive to be good, healthy and happy people can be even more powerful if we know how to harness it. Studies have shown that responding with kindness and compassion to personal shortcomings or wrong doings can increase the motivation to improve or change.

So it all starts by seeing and recognising the desire to be well as kindness itself. I remember in my unhappiest times, suddenly realising that my struggle and desire to be happier was in itself kindness and compassion. I saw the resilience and strength and fight – I wanted to get better, feel better, be better! And that pull towards the possible and the positive proved more effective than the push of judgement and self-blame – I began to take baby steps towards creating a life that was more in line with my aspirations and values.

So try it out next time you hit an obstacle or face a challenging time – see if kindness can become for you the fuel for resilience and good that it was intended to be!