Many definitions of mindfulness include an attitude of non-judgement. And when I teach, I am often asked some version of the question – if I don’t judge then, how will I know right from wrong, how will I improve or change? Won’t I risk passivity and blind acceptance?

So I would like to suggest a subtle refinement to this part of the definition – for me, the trick is to be able to stay in or return to the present moment experience, with a non-critical and kind attitude. You can still judge what is helpful or not, or what may be going well or not, but without the criticism, disapproval and blame that often follows. For example, you might say something that you are not proud of – you can see it for what it is and know that you could have been more kind or skilful. But what isn’t helpful and necessary is the self-criticism or guilt that may follow.

Without the additional whirlwind of blame and shame, the “I shouldn’t have done that… that was so stupid of me… when will I finally change? When will they finally change?… it’s all their fault…”, you may be better able to redirect your energy towards growth and appropriate, and if necessary, corrective action. Without all that commentary, you may also find more mental clarity instead of the swirling of repetitive thoughts and judgement.

Notice if you feel resistance to what I’ve just said. Pause before you instinctively swipe it aside. Because really, we all know how unhelpful that extra commentary is – how does it help you be better? How does it encourage or motivate you?

So if you realise that it doesn’t, then embrace being non-critical. Simply know when critical thoughts come up, and then noticing, allow them to pass without holding on to them. By repeatedly allowing unbeneficial thoughts to pass, you strengthen the ability to return your attention to what’s helpful – how can I help myself? how can I improve this situation? What action can I take? How shall I respond now? Blame and guilt – optional.

Sounds simple, but never easy… I know. And this is why we practice, and why kindness is so key in this journey.

Be Mindful and Be Well!