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One thing that these challenging times has helped us admit is that goal of ‘just being ok’ is not a small, insignificant one. Just imagine – if our health was ‘ok’ at this moment, we would have much to be grateful for. And if everyone in the world knew they were ‘ok’ , there would probably be a lot more peace and well-being in the world. There would be less fear, less strife and violence, less mistrust. While I cannot speak for everyone, for me, the pursuit of achievement, meaning, economic freedom, even knowledge and wisdom, can also be boiled down to need to ‘be ok’.
To be ‘ok’, in its very deepest sense, means – to have the capacity to deal with (rather than control) life’s changes and uncertainties, to have some sense of safety and peace, to know acceptance just as I am, and then to balance acceptance and ambition so I am neither passive nor consumed, to be connected to the well-being of the people and world around us. This sort of ‘being ok’ is not a state or circumstance, but a set of skills, a way of relating to the inevitability and inconstancy of life.
For me, this realisation has been life changing because instead of focusing on what is downstream – money, career success, loved ones, a peaceful world – I realised that I had to go upstream. Because when I didn’t understand what I really needed, I was left wondering why all my pursuits had a ring of emptiness and even desperation to them. But when I acknowledged that need to ‘be ok’, when I realised how universal and basic this was, I began to redirect my attention and efforts towards that.
So when I teach Mindfulness, I sometimes draw upon this deep personal lesson. It takes just minutes for most of us to bump into some difficulties or challenges in Mindfulness practice – distraction, thinking, external disturbances, sleepiness, doubt. Here’s where Mindfulness practice is just like a ‘gym for life’! How we deal with difficulties and disturbances in meditation, is a simulation for how we deal with the bigger challenges in life!
Let’s take noise as an example – I’ve had issues with noise disturbing my meditation, and I’ve known people who have difficulties when it’s too quiet. So what if we practiced how to ‘be ok’ either way? Can I notice that my expectations and struggles are inextricable? What happens if instead of trying to change the experience, we learn to face it with a calm, curious and kind attitude?
Or physical discomfort – one of the things that I try and do, though it’s easier said than done, is to expand my attention to include other areas of my body. It is said that we will be very attentive when we have a toothache, but rarely do you hear someone comment that they are free from toothache currently!
So it is with our troubles in life – without minimising what we are going through, how can we grow our flexibility to be with how things are? How can expanding our awareness to areas of our life that are going ok, that are ‘pain-free’, lead to increased agency and well-being? In this way, we can learn to hold our challenges AND our strengths in balance, to counter our ‘negativity bias’, to exercise the muscle of resilience, to get a bit closer to the sense of “I’m going to be ok”.
Over time, I believe that what develops through Mindfulness practice is a deep resolve and conviction in our capacity to hold and effectively respond to all life has to bring. By focusing on the one step in front of the other, no matter how life is or how we feel, we find ourselves one day looking back at how far we’ve come! We practice the skills of ‘being ok’ over and over again, finding balance and equanimity, wisdom and compassion, so that we are equipped to make the most of this life before us. So this practice of ‘being ok’ could be one of the most important things we could do for ourselves and for the world!
